Connection to Self: Healthy Thoughts for Self-Regulation

Strengthening your connection with self can change your life. A healthy emotional relationship with oneself demonstrates strength, resilience, and a positive self-concept. During my career as a therapist working with executives, parents, and athletes, I’ve realized the most important relationship we have is with ourselves.

As we become more aware of our thoughts, we become more aware of who we are, what we are, and how we self-regulate. Here is a list of self-limiting thoughts and ways to overcome them for a healthier connection to self.

Filtering: Focusing on the negative to the exclusion of the positive.

Solution: When you think/feel bad, try to do the opposite.

Black & White Thinking: Things are good or bad – it’s all or nothing.

Solution: Look for the exception to your point of view.

Overgeneralization: Exaggerate or take things to the extreme.

Solution: Avoid words like always, never, every, all, none, everybody, and nobody.

Question the extremes – is there any time that is not true?

Mind Reading: Making assumptions about an outcome or someone’s motivation

Solution: Can you really know what’s going to happen or why something happens?

Catastrophizing: Expecting the worst.

Solution: Remember that there is usually more than one possible outcome and the

worst catastrophe usually does not happen.

Personalization: It’s all about me – my fault – I did it wrong – they hate me – I am the only

one who can do this.

Solution: How do you know? Prove it, or consider other possibilities.

Control Fallacies: Either you have no control or you can control everything.

Solution: Let go of what you can’t control and be realistic about what you can.

Fallacy of Fairness: You think everything should be fair.

Solution: Life is not fair. Accepting this will help you have more realistic expectations.

Blaming: You don’t take responsibility for your choices and project fault onto

others.

Solution: Take responsibility for your choices, including your feelings. Nobody else

can make you feel or do anything. How you feel or react is up to you.

Shoulds: Words like should, ought, and must foster impossible expectations and

result in disappointment, resentment, and failure.

Solution: Flexibility is the key here – give yourself and others the benefit of the

doubt.

Emotional Reasoning: A belief that your emotions are based in truth.

Solution: Challenge emotions with logic – look for exceptions that are reasonable

Having an awareness of our thoughts is a great first step to connecting with self. As we connect with ourselves, we become more aware of the importance of connecting with others. This opens the door to sharing how we feel and ultimately learning to release stress. If you would like to talk, vent, or share your thoughts, our professional listeners at Listeners On Call are available to listen. We are a simple phone call away. Let’s talk.