How To Embrace Uncertainty As A Friend
Do you find yourself hungering for normalcy and clarity? If the past 2 years have taught us anything, it is that uncertainty and change are facts of life, but they don’t have to derail our sense of agency.
In the words of the mathematician John Allen Paulos: “Uncertainty is the only certainty there is.” For better or worse, he is absolutely correct.
The good news is: uncertainty doesn’t have to derail you permanently. In fact, dealing with uncertainty is a skill you can learn!
Embracing Uncertainty When It Comes
Even the hardiest person struggles to fully accept uncertainty when it comes. The need for stability—both physical and emotional—is entirely natural. Overcoming these instinctual desires requires patience, practice, and most importantly, a plan.
We often don’t choose the circumstances that veer out of our control, but we can choose how to respond to these trying times of uncertainty. The more purposeful the response, the faster we can regain our stability! Here are just a few ways to tackle uncertainty in a healthy, fruitful manner!
Don’t ignore or resist those uncertain emotions. Sometimes we perceive those fears and worries as signs of weakness, and so we ignore them to pretend that we are still in control. Unfortunately, this ultimately backfires as all of those strong emotions eventually come to a boil.
Shoving those feelings of unease into the back of your mind only lets it fester and grow worse. They will eventually demand to be felt, so let it be on your own terms.
Let yourself feel the emotions: both good, and negative ones. Once we acknowledge those negative emotions on our own terms, we can simultaneously shed the guilt that comes with them. There is no shame in feeling angry, distraught, or even out of control!
Remember: you are not defined by your own thoughts. Bad thoughts do not make you a bad person! Just because you think a negative thing, doesn’t make it true. Accepting your thoughts is also not the same as giving in or giving up: you’re merely saving your energy. Practicing this type of self-acceptance takes just that; practice.
Check in with yourself. When in doubt, call a time out! Sometimes we get so wrapped up in our everyday tasks that we forget to just sit back and see how we’re feeling. Take a moment and take note of what you’re feeling. Are you:
Nervous?
Hungry?
Tired?
Chilly?
Breathing faster or slower than normal?
If you aren’t used to doing this, you can try a centering technique. Focus on 5 things you can see, 4 that you can touch, 3 that you can hear, 3 that you can smell, and 1 that you can taste.
No matter what your external circumstances are, you can recenter by focusing on internal things that are within your control. Start by getting attuned to your emotional and physical reactions. This way, you can catch unhelpful responses (like starting an argument or isolating yourself).
Invest in self-care. Sometimes, the only thing you can control is the care that you give yourself. Take some time to do something seemingly small yet fun for yourself—no justification required! Spring for your favorite coffee drink, order in your favorite meal, take a walk while listening to your favorite playlist, or even take an evening off to pamper yourself (movies, spa, dinner; maybe even all three!)
If you can manage it, spending time with people who feed your emotional energy tank is even better. These are your support system, and this is key to creating long-lasting resiliency. Their presence should nurture and nourish you; if they don’t, consider taking some space. Uncertainty drains your mental energy quickly, and the last thing you want to do is run on fumes.
Learning To Let Go Of Control
Do you need to be in control of your own path in order to be happy? None of us can control every detail, so by learning to let go of some things, we can put all of our efforts into managing the things that really matter to us long-term.
Feeling overwhelmed or uncertain is not a dealbreaker. There is a way forward, and the more we try, the better we get. Like a sculptor, we can cut through the chaotic muck, one swipe at a time.
